


I Belong With You, You Belong With Me

by TheShieldAss



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Canon Divergence - Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Canon Divergence - Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Spoilers, Clint Barton Is a Good Bro, Comfort/Angst, Dreams, F/M, Flashbacks, Natasha Needs a Hug, Natasha Romanov Angst, Natasha Romanov Feels, Non-Linear Narrative, Post Captain America: Civil War, Post-Canon, Post-Canon-Fix-It, Sam Wilson Is a Good Bro, Sharon Carter won't take anyone's shit, Slow Burn, So is Natasha, Steve Rogers Angst, Steve Rogers-centric, Steve doesn't know what he feels, Steve ignores his feelings, Steve misses Natasha, Tying up everything together, steve is tired
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-11
Updated: 2016-09-07
Packaged: 2018-07-12 07:49:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7093063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheShieldAss/pseuds/TheShieldAss
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i> “Steve, you okay?” <i></i></i><br/><i> “Yeah.” <i></i></i><br/><i> “You sure? It’s okay if you’re not; I mean Natasha’s …”<i></i></i><br/><i> “What, you mean to say that Natasha’s dead? I know that.”<i></i></i><br/><i> “Steve…”<i></i></i><br/><i> “I gotta go.” <i></i></i><br/><i> With that he cuts the line, and throws his cell phone across the wall. It shatters into a thousand pieces.<i></i></i><br/><i> And he breaks down, not unlike his phone. His feet stop supporting him and he collapses down on the floor and he sobs. <i></i></i> <i> <i></i></i><br/><i></i><br/> <br/>Natasha’s gone, and Steve’s become a shell of a person.<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Repurcussions

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys this is my first fic ever. I'm new to the fandom. After Watching Civil War, I noticed the connection between Steve and Natasha. I just can't get them out of my mind. So I wrote this. Hail Romanogers.

** REPERCUSSIONS  
**

****The sunlight fills up his room. He watches the sun rising from the dark Wakandan landscape. His head is throbbing.  At this point, he had all but given up of having a good night’s sleep ever again.

Steve gets up from his bed. He changes into his workout clothes. He didn’t really need a workout, because of the serum, but it helped him calm his nerves ( _mostly_ ). He gets out of the quarters that king T’Challa had graciously granted to the Avengers ( _ex_ -Avengers, he thought bitterly), for a run. For him, running had always been a way to blow off some steam and clear his head, since being defrosted almost six years ago. Running also freed his mind from the constant loop of thoughts that threatened his sanity. But nowadays, even running was futile. It was as if his brain just wouldn’t _stop._ But that didn’t mean that he wasn’t going to try.

As he runs, his brain thinks. Thinks about the last few days. Thinks about the consequences of his actions.  Thinks about his _losses._ Those hit him the hardest, and they make his chest contract in pain and his breathing harder. Steve is reminded of the days when every physical task, even breathing was difficult for him, due to his various ailments.

He thinks about **Bucky-** his pal, his _brother._ He had just gotten him back, only to lose him again. Bucky- the only person left who connected Steve to a time when he had just been that- Steve Rogers, not Captain America. Bucky- who had supported him when he hadn’t been able to do it for himself. 

Steve understands Bucky’s choice and his reasoning behind that choice. But it still hurt.  Steve had turned his- and everybody else’s world upside down to get Bucky back. But now, Bucky wasn’t even with him. 

The **Avengers-** his sense of purpose in the new world, had been ripped apart, due to his stubbornness.  They had been torn apart from the inside- just because he wasn’t able to compromise.

But Steve knew that he couldn’t have- _wouldn’t_ have compromised.

Being a part of the Avengers had reminded Steve that he was still doing good. That he was using the body granted to him for serving the world, and trying to make it a better place.

But now it was all gone. The Avengers were in shambles. Sam, Wanda, Clint and Scott were fugitives; along with him.  Clint and Scott were not able to see or even contact their respective families. Rhodes had lost the functioning of his legs- all because of him.  

**Peggy-** his best girl. Someone he still wasn't able to move on from. Someone he wouldn’t give up. By all means, she was supposed to outlive him. But in reality, Steve was here and she wasn’t.

**Tony-**  His brother-in-arms. Steve never considered himself to be close to Tony. He always had the feeling that Tony only tolerated him for the sake of the team. But perhaps, he hadn’t been able to figure the man out.  Perhaps he didn’t know Tony. Tony- who would’ve taken a bullet for him. But now, he would probably never forgive him.

And **Natasha…**

Natasha, his partner.  The only constant of his new life. He had never thought that he would’ve been able to fit in the new century. But then he had met _her._ Natasha. She had some into his life like a force of nature and had changed it. Had changed _him._ Natasha- with her meddling ways and her teasing monotonous quips. With her red hair- like fire which burned ferociously. Her green eyes- like an ocean with endless depths. And her scars- which told him about all that she had survived. She is one of the bravest people he knows  One of the bravest people he will ever know. 

Natasha is one of the few people in the world whom in front of he can be Steve Rogers. Not Captain America. Just Steve.  Without her he wouldn’t have been able to survive this new world. It wasn’t so new anymore because of her.  She had his back, even when he didn’t have hers. And now, he had lost her. 

In hindsight, Steve had realized that Natasha might’ve been onto something during everything that had happened. Her motive was to keep the Avengers- her family, her _home_ together. She had understood the implications of the Accords better than anyone. She might’ve had a way to get them out of the restrictions that would’ve been set on them. She definitely would’ve been successful if Steve hadn’t interfered. 

But she knew that he would’ve never agreed with the Accords. Natasha had understood his, yet he had failed to understand _her_ reasoning. 

Thinking about her _hurt._ Steve didn’t even realize that he was out of breath. So, he stopped at a spot a few distance away from the quarters. He hadn’t seen her or even heard from her since the day at the airport when she had let him escape. She still had trusted him, even after everything that had happened. 

Steve missed her.

He missed the way her eyes lit up when she told him one of her terrible jokes. He missed her teasing remarks. He missed her smell, her voice, her everything.  

Steve felt his throat swelling up.

“Steve?”

Sam’s voice startles him. He looks at him. He was standing a few feet away from him.

“Yes?” Steve asks. He knows that Sam noticed his wet eyes.

“You should come back to the quarters. There’s something that you gotta see.”

Confused, he follows Sam back to the quarters. All of them- Wanda, Clint and Scott were there along with a tall, intimidating woman. Next to the woman was another petite woman with blonde hair and kind eyes who was holding a baby. Belatedly, Steve realized that the woman was Laura Barton. She was in Wakanda with her kids.

And behind her was… _Sharon._


	2. The Letter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the positive comments. I never expected it. Here's the next chapter.

** THE LETTER **

“Natasha came for us the day we heard that the Avengers have been arrested, on the news. She told me to pack up everything important and then arranged for us to stay at one of her safe houses. She then went somewhere for two days only to return back with Sharon.” Laura was telling them, baby Nathaniel- one year old now, sleeping peacefully in her arms.

"How did she find you Sharon?" Sam asked her

"I honestly don't know. I was staying in one of  _my_ safe houses. No one knew about that place. I don't know how she knew." Sharon replied. 

 _Natasha knows everything,_ Steve thought wryly.

"Natasha has a knack for knowing stuff," Clint told them with a grin, vocalising the same thing that Steve was thinking. He exchanged a knowing look with his wife. His eyes, Steve realised, had a light in them which was missing before.

“Well she wanted my help to weaken the defences of the Raft Prison. Apparently, she knew that Steve was gonna break in and get you guys out of there. So, we used one of my CIA contacts and hacked into the servers. Reduced a lot of security measures. Then we waited for Steve to come in,” Sharon continued.

Steve was stunned. He had his suspicions about the weak security of the Raft Prison. But he had blamed it on the ego of General Ross. He had no idea that Natasha could, Natasha _would_ help him again.

"So that's why I was able to break in so easily?'" Steve asked her in a small voice.

"Give yourself some credit Steve. You're Captain America. It still wasn't an easy feat." Sharon replied, taking his hand into one of her own.

Steve's insides burned, and not in a good way. Even if there _was_ a good way. He realised that he was feeling something. He was feeling _guilty._ He _liked_ Sharon. But kissing her was a mistake.

Wanda was staring at him with a strange expression. Natasha had the same look on her face sometimes. It made him feel like he was being X-Rayed. 

Hastily, he snatched his hand back from Sharon's hand in the pretence of scratching his head, a gesture he never did normally. In doing so, he failed to acknowledge the knowing looks in the eyes of the women around him.

"So what happened after that?" Scott, who had been silent until now, asked, filling in the silence. 

"Well she took me where Laura and her kids were staying. And she arranged for us to fly here. She had already asked King T'Challa." Sharon said.

"And why didn't she come with you?" Steve demanded.

Why hadn't she? Did she not want to? Or King T'Challa hadn't allowed her. 

That wasn't possible. He was one of the most forgiving people Steve knew. 

"We don't know Steve." Laura replied. "I tried to convince her but she told me that she had some loose ends to take care of. She gave me a box. Told me to take care of Clint. Kissed each of the kids."

"Well what's in the box?" Steve, unable to hold the fire bubbling inside him, clamoured.

" _Easy,_ Steve." Sam said in a quiet voice.

Laura, and Clint, apparently, were not offended. "I didn't look," She told him. "Why don't we see for ourselves," 

With that, she produced a heavy looking box from under the table they had been sitting around, eating their breakfast. Inside, there were several smaller packages with each of their names, even Sharon's and Scott's written on them.

Steve took the package with his name written on it, opened it and looked at its contents.

His compass. The one which which had Peggy's photo inside. His dog-tags from the army. A photo of the Howling Commandos. His photo with the Avengers. One with Sam. Another one which had him and Bucky standing together grinning at him. It was taken when they both were teenagers. It was black and white and time had made its mark on the photo. His locket was also there. Which held his parents' photo in the pendant. And his sketchbooks.

All of the material things that Steve Rogers had ever cared for. How had Natasha known about these? 

But one thing was missing. A photo that he had taken of  _her._  One which showed her real smile. Not the one she put on as a mask, or the one when she sassed everyone and subtly told them that she was better than them. No, the one where Natasha was openly grinning, her eyes sparkling.

They had been sitting on the couch in his room in the Avengers headquarters. They had ordered take out and were watching a movie. Steve had cracked a dumb joke which he didn't remember.

But Natasha hadn't found it dumb. She had found it  _funny._ So she had laughed. She had tried not to, but was unsuccessful. She had been full on howling. Steve had never seen her like that. Had never seen how her eyes watered and her plum pink lips opened revealing her perfect teeth. And the laughter was like the music he had always liked _(loved)._  Always wanted to hear, but had never heard it. It was missing from his life. 

Steve had wanted to immortalise that moment forever. As long as he lived. So he did. He had taken her picture, ignoring her protests. And then he had it framed. It was kept in his drawer near his bed back in his room.

But now, it was missing. Steve swallowed whatever he was feeling and he noticed that the package also held a thick red file and a letter.

He picked up the letter and opened it. It was written in Natasha's familiar loopy handwriting. Ignoring his shaking hands and the feeling of foreboding that he felt, he started reading it.

_Steve,_

_I don't know how should I start. I think that I'll start by saying sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I didn't have your back. I'm sorry for hurting you, for causing you pain.  I'm sorry for breaking your trust. I did what I did because I thought that it was the best way to keep the Avengers together. Now I know that it was a futile effort.  
_

_I know that you blame yourself for whatever happened. But please don't. You did what you felt was right, what you felt was best for yourself. I'm happy that for once you thought about what you wanted, that you put yourself first. You've lost a_ _lot._

_You're probably the only person on this planet that deserves to be selfish, a little bit. Do not ever stop fighting for what you want, what you believe in._

_I'm happy that you got James back. I always felt that you never felt belonged, not really. Not being a soldier, not being a spy, not being an Avenger. But James is your family, your brother. You belong with him. He's your real family. The Avengers were a surrogate family. But_ _they, t_ _he Avengers, they see you as their brother,_ as  _their family. Please take care pf them._

_Stop taking the whole weight of the world upon your shoulders. Live, for once for yourself. Be Steve Rogers. Don't worry about Captain America. Steve Rogers is bigger than Captain America ever will be. He makes Captain America. It's not the other way around.  
_

_Also, I recovered everything that might hold a sentimental value for you. And the file contains everything that SHIELD, HYDRA, KGB and the Red Room ever had on the Winter Soldier._

_There might be a way to crack open his conditioning and free him of it. Me and your friend, we have a bit of a shared history. I never told you about it. I thought that it didn't matter. But if it matters to you, ask James. He might remember._

_I'm very grateful that I got to know you. Thank you for everything you ever did for me. But most of all- Thank You for trusting me. I never gave you reason for it. But you still trusted me. T_ _hank you for being my friend. I can only hope that I was half as good a friend to you that you were to me. Thank You for being my partner and covering my six._

  _-Natasha_

_P.S. Sharon told me that you kissed her. Way to go, old man. Guess you really don't need that practice.  
_

Steve felt numb. He reread the letter. His broken heart broke even more. His eyes started making tears and the tears started making their way down his face. Realising that he had company, he quickly wiped his face with the back of his hand and looked around.

Wanda was openly crying. Clint had an agonised expression. His eyes were wide open, looking around, trying to comprehend. He was holding the letter Natasha had written for him in one hand and the other one was holding the necklace with the Arrow pendant that Steve had seen Natasha wearing a million times. His eyes found Laura's whose own eyes were leaking.

"She returned the necklace Laura," He said, his voice cracking horribly. 

"What does it mean?" Sharon asked him.

Sam was the one who replied. He answered her, barely using a voice above a whisper. 

"It means that Natasha's not coming back. She's gone."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter had more words count. So I'll write probably two more chapters to set up the plot. Then after that, each of the chapters are gonna get more descriptive and bigger. :)
> 
> Message me, leave comments pointing out the mistakes. Help me . Tell me how to operate this stuff. :)
> 
> Also I need a beta. If anyone's interested, please send me a message. 
> 
> My tumblr [here.](http://shieldass.tumblr.com/)


	3. The Break-Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the new one. And this story is a Slow Build. :p  
> Also thank you guys, for the amazing response...

** THE BREAK-UP **

Wakanda was beautiful. With its dark mountains touching the skies and the water streams flowing down from them, sustaining life; it was really peaceful. The quarters that T’Challa had assigned for the fugitive Avengers were more like a vacation home. They were in the middle of nowhere, near a lake which collected water from a stream flowing nearby. They were surrounded by a canopy of large and tall trees. Sunlight came from above to them filtered by these trees.

Steve was sitting on a rock nearby the lake. The moon, full and yellow, was hanging low in the sky. The stars were twinkling. Steve could hear the babbling of the brook and the rusting of the leaves swaying lazily due to the night breeze.

Natasha’s letter was still in his hand. It felt heavy. Steve had read it a jillion times. He was still trying to decipher it, to understand it. Trying to understand what Natasha actually meant, why she had left. He was still breaking it down, trying to read in between the lines.

 _I'm_   _sorry..._

Sorry for _what,_ Steve thought.  For taking a stand? For making a decision for herself?  Natasha had never taken any decisions for herself, ever. Her handlers, or the organizations she had worked for, had done that job. Steve had felt so much pride for her when she took a side. It hurt that it wasn’t with him, but he was proud. Even when they had been on the opposite sides, Steve had felt so much affection for her.  She had come so far. Natasha was Natasha now, rather than being someone or something that the circumstances demanded.

 _I_   _always felt that you never felt belonged…_

What did she mean by that? Didn’t she know that Steve was himself when he was with her?  That she was his family? That he felt belonged with her? Even when they weren’t close, when they were just two agents, when they were Rogers and Romanoff or Cap and Widow; Steve had felt close to her. Being near her had always given Steve a sense of equilibrium, it still did. The whole world had been so fast, so unfamiliar when he had been unfrozen.  But with Natasha, he had always felt peace, had felt calm. Everything- the people, the buildings, the technology had made him dizzy, unfocused; it still did sometimes. But with her, everything that didn’t make sense, made sense. The world made sense.  There was everyone else and then there was her.

_Steve Rogers is bigger than Captain America…_

How could he believe that? Steve Rogers had broken up the Avengers. Captain America had led the Avengers into winning many battles.

Steve had given up the shield. He didn’t feel worthy of the mantle of Captain America anymore.  Captain America was supposed to be a symbol. A symbol of good, of purity, of truth. Steve Rogers was none of those things. He had lied to his friend, and then had almost killed him. He had also made may other questionable choices and had abandoned his other friends. Steve Rogers didn’t make Captain America anymore.  Steve Rogers was not bigger than Captain America.

But Natasha- she knew him better than he probably knew himself. He should listen to her.

_But did it matter anymore?_

He hadn’t listened to her when it really mattered. When his actions were causing her pain. It definitely didn’t matter now. Natasha had left.

 _“Steve,”_ a voice cracked like whip in the peaceful night.

Steve was surprised. He hadn’t heard anyone come in, he had been too engrossed in Natasha’s letter. Too distracted to notice anything else.  Too bitter and heartbroken that she had left. He turned around to put a face to the voice that had called his name.

It was Sharon.

He had _kissed_ her. He had kissed Peggy’s _niece._ Given, it was in the heat of the moment. He had been thankful that she had returned his shield. Thankful that she had helped him, when most people had not. 

So, he had kissed her.

But it had felt wrong. He felt guilty about it. Still does. He had felt guilty when he was actually kissing her. He didn’t want to acknowledge it. That he had kissed her.

But still he had done that, had kissed her. Sooner or later, he would have to acknowledge it.

He didn’t even want to think about the reason he had kissed Sharon.

 _She is the last connection to Peggy,_ his traitorous mind supplied. He still wanted Peggy  in his life. He still mourned for all the years which had been lost when he was frozen. He still yearned for the life, the moments, the years which he never had a chance to life. Peggy was a big part of the life he was supposed to have. He had wanted to live his life with her, grow old with her. 

Peggy had grown old, but not with him. She had moved on. 

Steve also had, probably. He will never stop loving Peggy. She was too big a part of him. She was one of the people who had shaped him, made him the man who he was today. Of course he won't ever stop loving her. But his heart had accepted that Peggy was not a part of his life anymore.

Sharon was so much like Peggy. So, he had kissed her.

He felt disgusted with himself. His mother had taught him to think of people as individuals, not people. Everyone was supposed to be different. Everyone was a different person, with different personalities. 

He had seen Peggy in Sharon. He had projected what he still felt for Peggy on Sharon. He had kissed her. 

The more he thought about it, the more disgusted Steve got with himself. 

“Steve we need to talk,” Sharon said again.

Realising that he was getting lost in his own thoughts again and that she wanted to talk, Steve opened his mouth. And closed it. And then opened it again. Still, no sound came out.

He didn’t know what to say. Didn’t know what he should say. Nothing felt right. He didn’t want to talk to her about the kiss. About its implications. What it meant for both of them.

But he did want to comfort her. She had lost so much. Her job, her integrity had been compromised- because of him. She had also lost Peggy. Peggy had been a big part of Sharon’s life, from what he knew. Losing her might’ve had an even bigger impact on Sharon than it had on him. 

He also wanted to apologize to her. He had disrupted her life. Had made her a fugitive.

“Yes Sharon, what do you wanna talk about?” Steve asked her, after deciding that the best course of action was to let her speak first. He’ll only talk about anything if she wanted to talk about it too. 

Steve knew it was a coward’s path, but he didn’t care. 

Her eyes narrowed. “You wanna talk about the obvious Steve? Or do you want me to bullshit a little bit first and then start talking about the obvious. Or do you not want to talk about the obvious at all? In that case, how do you like it here- in Wakanda? Or would you rather we do no talk at all? In that case, Goodnight!” She turned around and started walking away.

“I regret kissing you!’ Steve shouted, unable to hold it in any longer. “I’m sorry, it’s just the way I feel”

She stopped walking and turned around. Her eyes had softened. “I know,” she told him.

“You do?” Steve was surprised. His eyes had widened.

She came and sat down next to him.

“Yes Steve, I know that.  I also regret it. You’re Aunt Peggy’s guy. It’s so weird. I’m ashamed with myself. I let you kiss me because-um,” she hesitated before speaking again, trying to find the right words. “I thought you needed that, you know. The comfort of having someone with you.”

“It’s just that you helped me. When no one else did. You gave me my shield back. You were on my side.” Steve sighed and looked at her. “Also, you-um-you remind me of Peggy. You’re very much like her. I know it’s awful. I’m sorry”

“It’s okay Steve. No hard feelings. Its best that we forget about it.”

Peggy would’ve been so proud of you, Sharon.”

“Besides the decision to kiss you, right?” 

Steve winced.

“I’m sorry. It’s too soon to joke about it, I realize that now,” she told him.

“Yeah kinda,” Steve laughed.

“I always strived to be like Aunt Peggy, you know. She was- she is the best role model any person could have growing up.”

“She had a big impact on your life, huh?”

“Well to be fair, she had a big impact on everyone’s life.” And then she laughed, probably remembering something. “She spoke about you with so much affection. Told me you were kind of a human disaster,” she smirked.

“Well, to be honest, I still am.” Steve told her and took a deep breath. “I’m sorry Sharon, about everything. About Peggy, about making you a fugitive. Especially about making you a fugitive.”

“It was my choice Steve.”

“But you didn’t deserve any of it. Because of me, you’re here now, running away from the law. Away from your home, your family. What are you gonna do now?”

“I’ll figure it out Steve. I’m a spy, did you forget?” she asked him with a smile.

“I don’t think that I’ll ever forget that you’re a spy,” he told her.

There was a comfortable silence. His mind wandered back to Natasha. _She_ was also a spy.  She might’ve figured it out. Running away from the law was like a second nature to her. She had done that when she was working for the KGB and the Red Room and then when SHIELD had gone down with the hellicarriers.

“Sharon, I gotta ask you something.”

“What?”

“When Natasha was with you, did she say anything? Anything about anything? What was her plan, where was she going?  The reason why she didn’t come with you guys? Anything about _me,”_ he trailed off with the last sentence, unable to hide the hopefulness in his voice.

She sighed, “No she didn’t Steve. I’m sorry.”

He looked down. Of course she didn’t. Natasha always kept her intentions, her motivations, her sensibilities, her feelings tucked safely away from sight. Of course that had changed somewhat. She showed them to people which mattered to her.

Steve was one of those people. There was no doubt about it in his mind. Natasha cared about him greatly. It wasn’t a question, not anymore. They both had come so far, together. Taking little steps, steps of trust along the way. 

“Boy she means a lot to you, huh?”

Of course she does. Words couldn’t describe what she meant to him. Steve wouldn’t be able to even if he tried.  

“Yeah she does, she’s my Na- my partner.” 

She _was_ his _Natasha._ Their relationship had never been defined. They hadn’t ever tried. At least, Steve hadn’t. Partner felt very small a word for whatever she meant to him. It felt disrespectful. To her, to their relationship.

“I don’t know what I’m supposed to do without her.” 

Natasha had been his anchor, his place of comfort since he woke up. But he wasn’t going to go around and tell everyone that.

“You sure that’s all she is to you Steve? A partner,” Sharon asked him, one of her eyebrows raised. 

“What do you mean by that?”

She sighed and said, “I’m sure you’ll figure it out.  From what I’ve heard, you’re a smart person. Though Aunt Peggy always said that you were kinda dense when it came to women.”

With that she got up, “I’m gonna go to bed. You should too. And please think about what I said,” and she went back.

Steve was feeling even more lost than before.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I won't make Sharon a bitch guys. I confess that I don't like Staron, and I didn't like Sharon in CW. But I won't hate her. She's gonna be a part of the story. I didn't like Natasha in AoU, but she's still my favourite character. I'm gonna write Sharon the way I imagined she was actually gonna be in CW, before I saw it.  
> Also , the updates are gonna be a slower from now on. I realized that the last chapter had a lot of errors. I didn't proofread it. So I'm gonna work harder on the upcoming chapters. I'll still try to update once a week though.  
> Thank you. As always, comment. Point out The mistakes. If you feel that any of the characters are OOC, please tell me. Nothing spoils a story more that OOC characterisation.  
> My tumblr [here.](http://shieldass.tumblr.com/)


	4. The Revelation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the new one guys. Thank you for all the positivity. Also, if you guys see some grammatical errors, tell me. I'll correct them. Enjoy.  
> My tumblr [here.](http://shieldass.tumblr.com/) Follow me. Ask me stuff. Talk meta to me.

**THE REVELATION**

 

 

_“Staying together is more important than how we stay together.”_

_Then **do** that, he had wanted to say. Stay with me, be with me.  This is already very difficult. Having you by my side, next to me will make it a lot easier._

_Don’t do this, he had wanted to scream. I’ll- We’ll figure it out. Together. That’s what you and I do. We help, each other, support each other, complete each other._

“But what are we giving up to do it?”

_Our freedom, our Right to choose. Natasha understood that better than anyone else._

“I’m sorry Nat, I can’t sign it.”

_He couldn’t have stressed the **can’t** enough. He **was** sorry. For not being with her, for not supporting her, for making her choose and leaving her at crossroads. _

_But he won’t sign the Accords. He wants her to understand. He **can’t**._

_“I know,” she had told him._

_She did? Steve had been surprised. If she wasn’t here to make him sign, to convince him; then why was she even here? She didn’t owe him any sort of explanation. Steve understood. She was making her own decisions, was doing something by her preference, something that she wanted to do because she had wanted to do it._ _She was the one who had to work the hardest for that._

_“Well then, what are you doing here?”_

_“I didn’t want you to be alone.”_

_Steve was… he was not prepared for that. When Natasha had come to him, he had thought it was to convince him one last time to sign the Accords._

_But she hadn’t come for that. She came for **him**. She had wanted to be with him in his moment of grief. She had come to support him. She knew what losing Peggy had done to him, and she had come, just like always. Whenever he had felt lost, Natasha had been there for him. And this time wasn’t any different. For him and for her. _

_Their relationship- whatever it was- had meant more to her than some documents and their differing opinions. Steve had felt overwhelmed, he had been in awe of her._

_There she had been, in front of him, showing something that only few lucky people had seen; genuine affection in her eyes. Affection for **him** , open and real. Her eyes looking into his, opening him up, patching his wounds._

_She had come to comfort him._

_“Come here_ ,” _with that she had put his arms around his neck and had pulled him closer to her._

_And Steve had broken down. The tears, which had been threatening to come out since he had heard the news of Peggy’s passing, started flowing freely. And he didn’t care._

_Natasha was smaller than him, but at that moment, she hadn’t **felt** small. Her heat was enveloping him, was soothing him. He had been able to hear the  steady thrumming of her heart beating inside her chest. And that music had pulled him in deeper. Deeper into her presence.  Calming him and his fraying nerves. Unraveling him. _

_Her scent, fruity and smoky had made his head lighter and his breath quicker. He had come to associate that fragrance with home. **His** home.  A safe place. A place for Steve Rogers._

_He had been in the comfort of her arms. Nothing else had mattered at that moment. It didn’t matter that their views hadn’t aligned with each other. It didn’t matter that the next he would see her, she probably would be standing on the opposite side. Not with him. It didn’t matter that thing s would be different after that. That she would no longer have his back in the battlefield. **Nothing** mattered except her. All he could feel was **her**. _

_There had been no one but them in that church at that moment. And Steve wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. Him and Natasha, together._

_“It will be okay, Steve. Everything will fall into place. Just like it always does. And if you need me, whenever, then I’ll be there.”_

_She had meant that she won’t abandon him. She wouldn’t let him be alone- now and never. She’ll be there whenever he will need her._

_And he would always need her. Natasha knew that. The world was too dull, too colourless without her in it._

_Steve had thanked his lucky stars. He had someone like Natasha in his life. He was grateful for her. For her unyielding loyalty, her trust and faith in him._

_Steve felt light. It was as if a burden had been lifted up from his shoulders. Natasha had done that. She had taken all of his pain, his despair, his doubts and his fears away from him in that moment._

_The sobs had stopped and his breaths had leveled._

_Natasha won’t leave him. She would come back. For him._

_She **would** come back to him, Steve knew. She always had.  After defeating Loki, after Fury’s supposed death and after the SHIELD fiasco. Even after defeating Ultron, she had stayed with him. Steve had thought that she would’ve left with Banner. But she hadn’t.  She had stayed with him, had helped him train the new Avengers.  _

_Steve didn’t have anywhere else to go. For him, being an Avenger had become a full-time job. But Natasha could’ve had a life outside. A life with Banner. A life with the Bartons. But she had stayed with **him**._

_“I’ll wait Natasha.”_

_He would wait for things to be alright. He would wait for **her**. He’ll wait for her to come back to him. He didn’t have any other choice. But he wouldn’t want it any other way. Natasha was an integral part of his life._

_Natasha knew that he’d wait_ _for_ _her to return, back to_ _him._ _He’ll wait until she was standing next to him._

_She had stepped away from him and his heart had felt heavier. She had looked at him in the eyes, searching for something. Green-blue eyes reading into his soul through his own blue-green eyes._

_After finding what she had been looking for, she had said, “Go talk to Sharon. She’ll probably be outside. She also lost the same person that you did. Agent Carter helped her also become who she is today.”_

_She had given him one last looked before turning and walking away, her heels thumping on the carpeted floor as she walked. Walking away from him, again._

_After reaching halfway towards the door, she had stopped and turned her head towards him. She had probably known that Steve had been looking at her._

_She had said, “Please take care of yourself, Steve. And don’t do anything dramatic.”_

_She had given him half a smile and then had left._

 

**\-------------**

 

Steve wasn’t able to sleep, just like always. He was thinking about her- Natasha, just like always.

Why hadn’t Natasha come back? She had left them, the Avengers, the Bartons- her adoptive family and **him**. Didn’t she realize that everyone needed her here? That **he** needed her?

Sharon’s words were also in his mind.

_You sure that’s all she’s to you? A partner?_

Of course she was his partner. They had led the Avengers together. She had been his partner in SHIELD.

But partner seemed a very small word for what she meant to him. It somehow diminished their relationship- whatever it was- with each other, what they had with each other.

Natasha had seen him when he had been at his lowest, and she hadn’t run away. Instead she had brought him- Steve Rogers back. After he had become Captain America, the world didn’t need Steve Rogers anymore. Only Bucky, and Peggy probably loved and knew Steve Rogers. So he had been Steve Rogers for them. When he had woken up, Bucky was still dead and Peggy was well on her age. So Steve Rogers had also died.

But Natasha- she had taught him to live. She had revived Steve Rogers. After getting out of the ice, Natasha had taught him to live in the new world. She had taught him to fight better. She had seen that he had been falling, deep into depression and despair, and she had caught him and saved him. Caught him with her affection, her smile, her charm and her bravery.

He still remembered the first time he had met her, five years ago, on the floating Helicarrier. How could he ever forget?

Everything around him had been so fast, larger than life. The world had made him dizzy and the people had been very unfamiliar and different.

But then he had seen her. With her red hair flying around in the wind, her back straight and her posture stiff. Her green eyes, he hadn’t noticed the blue in them then, challenging everyone around her- even him. She had been wearing casual clothing, Jeans and one of her favorite leather jackets, Steve had come to know about the jacket later- while everyone else was in their suits.

He had felt nervous talking to her, he still did sometimes. He hadn’t been-still wasn’t- good with talking to women. But then she had made a joke, on Captain America. Only two people in the world had done that- Peggy and Bucky. Most people looked at him with such awe, as if he wasn’t a person. It always made him uncomfortable. But Natasha had made fun of him.

His nervousness had vanished then, and Steve had felt himself wanting to know her. He had felt light inside, as if he was floating. He had become more focused. It had all been because of her.

And then him and Banner had followed her inside.

He saw the way she commanded the room, the way everyone looked at her- with grudging and fearful respect. He hadn’t been able to take his eyes off of her.

When they had fought together for the first time, Steve had felt a sense of familiarity, an intimacy that he had never felt before. His body had already accustomed itself her, the way she moved, the way she fought. And every time they fought together, he felt the same. He hadn’t lost the feeling, he probably never will. The effortless way they moved with each other in a battle, and outside of it.

When she had used his shield to jump up towards the sky, Steve had felt giddy. Only one other time he had felt like that in his life, when Peggy had punched Hodge on his first day in the Army. That had made him smirk, made him feel bubble headed. When Natasha had caught the Chitauri aircraft, his mouth had opened itself in reverence of her. He had been rendered speechless.

Natasha still made him feel that way many times. But he was probably used to it.

But that moment was the first time he had felt like that after waking up. The new world hadn’t made him feel amazed, it had made him dumbfounded. Had made him feel incompetent. But for that split second, he didn’t feel any of that. It was as if his body have any room to feel anything else besides amazement for Natasha. She had blown him away without even trying.

Peggy had done the same.

Natasha reminded him of Peggy so many times. Both were so similar, yet so much different. They were made of different things, different circumstances. But they were still so much the same. They were both forces of nature. Natasha was Fire, Peggy was Earth.

But both of them had rocked his world to its core. They both made him want to be a better person. Both of them had supported him.

And Steve loved both of them. He loves Peggy. He loves Natasha.

He suddenly registered what he was thinking.

_I love Natasha?_

Steve stumbled up and out of his covers.

 _I love Natasha?_ He asked his mind.

 _Of course you do. She’s your partner._ His mind replied.

Of course. Natasha was his partner. The bond they had was very strong.

He lay down on his bed again, satisfied with his answer.

But something was off. Something didn’t feel right. So he closed his eyes.

But all he saw was her. Natasha. She was smiling, telling him he was an idiot.

And then he realized something. He stumbled up again.

This time, hesitantly, he asked his _heart_.

_I love Natasha?_

And his heart, satisfied and happy and _thrumming_ , replied.

_Yes. You love Natasha. You can’t live without her._

I love Natasha.

I _love_ her.

_I love Nat._

His world aligned itself. Correctly. The way it was supposed to be. The stars shone brighter. They blinded him. The winds blew faster. They swept him away. The oceans became more restless. They took him away. The fires burned ablaze. And they burned _him_.

And in the middle of everything was Natasha. _She_ was the centre of it all. His whole world rotated around her. She was the one. And she was stunning. Light and fire and beauty. She was smiling at him. She looked peaceful. And she had love in her eyes. Love for _him_.

And Steve was… he was falling. Falling into her eyes. In _her_. Her love for him. His love for her. He was falling head first. Like a stone down a building. Heavy and fast and going down, or inside. He didn’t know and he didn’t care. He wasn’t scared though. He was peaceful and exhilarated. Wgen he hit the bottom or the ground or when it _stopped_ , there was no pain.

There was only warmth. And comfort. And peace. It was exquisite. Steve wondered how even had he ever lived a day in his life without not feeling like that. Without feeling the love he felt for Natasha, without realising it, without acknowledging it.

It was something that he had known since the first time he had saw and met her. And each next time he had fallen more and more in love. But it was never enough. His body had infinite capacity to love her, it seemed. But he had never acknowledged it- until now. Maybe that’s why it had hit him so hard.

He was breathless with the weight of his revelation.

Steve feels a sense of wonder at his own stupidity. How hadn’t he been able to figure it out until now? That he loved Natasha.

God, it felt great to say it, again and again.

He loves Natasha Romanoff.

He feels boneless, weightless. It was as if everything inside his body had left him. The tension, the anger, the sense of betrayal, the hurt he had been feeling is also flushed out. He feels a sense of calmness that he hadn’t ever felt before.

And it was all because of her. Because of his love for her.

His love for Natasha.

He loved Natasha.

_ **\-------------** _

 

 

Steve was asleep. He was dreaming. Dreaming of red hair and green eyes; of half smirks and teasing remarks. Natasha weaved in and out of his vision with her subtle expressions; expressions which Steve had taught himself to read. Natasha was just smiling at him; she was looking at him with tenderness in her eyes. The sound of her laughs- soft like bells rand in his ears. It comforted him.

Natasha flitted in and about in his dream. They were both walking; walking in an endless landscape, in vast and endless fields. Below his feet was soft and light green grass. Behind him was darkness, despair. Steve tried to look beyond darkness, but he could not see anything. It was dark and black. Natasha tapped inside of his hand’ on his palm; they were holding hands; to grab his attention to make him look in front of him.

Steve followed her line of sight to his fore, and he saw the horizon. The green and the blue were meeting with each other. The land and the sky were combining. It was beautiful. And it was full of endless possibilities and new experiences and beginnings. It was so bright that it blinded his eyes.

And guiding him towards the light and the bright was… Natasha.

Whenever Steve felt the darkness behind him trying to come near him, to consume him and to wipe out the brightness in front of him and block his path: Natasha gently weaved them back towards the horizon and the light. She had the same light in her eyes. She still had the smile on her face that Steve cherished, the smile which made his knees weak. It was rare for Steve- and even rarer for anyone else, to see Natasha smile like that.

He had tried too many times to sketch the curve of her lips, the fire of her eyes, and the strength of her being; but all of it had been to no avail. Steve rarely sketched now as it is, but not getting Natasha right on his papers made him want to draw more. And he hadn’t ever been able to stop sketching Natasha. Lots of pages in his various sketchbooks were filled just with her. But none of his drawings had ever done the real Natasha justice, so he hadn’t been able to stop. How could he? He wanted to get Natasha right at least once on the page. He wanted Natasha to see herself the way he saw her. And bringing her to life on the canvas was the best way to do that.

In his dream, Natasha was saying something, he realised. But Steve was having trouble figuring it out. He stared at the familiar planes and curves of her face, and Steve realised with a jolt; he felt _happy_.

Happy wasn’t a feeling Steve normally felt.

Natasha was shaking her head at him, and Steve smiled at her. How could he not? She was stunning like this. Laughing, carefree and walking next to him.

And then suddenly; the light that had been somewhat far away was near them. It was surrounding them. It was consuming them.

It was blinding. It was so bright that Steve had to look away, so he looked at Natasha. And even brighter than the light, were her eyes.

And then he realised what Natasha was saying, “I don’t want you to be alone Steve.”

The light envelopes them.

 

** \------------- **

 

 

Steve opens his eyes as he feels the sunlight hitting his face; it was coming from the widow which had been left open intentionally by him the night before. Since sleep didn’t always come to him, looking out the window towards the mountains helped him pass his time.

He looks around groggily. With a start, Steve realizes that he had fallen asleep, and quite easily. Sleeping peacefully was a monumental accomplishment for him, even more so than punching Hilter in the face. Even if somehow, Steve was able to go to sleep, it wasn’t for more than two or three hours. But the digital clock next to his bed told him that he had been asleep for almost six hours. **Six**. That was a new record for him.

Even after sleeping for so long, he doesn’t want to get out of his bed. He is too comfortable in his bubble of giddiness.

 _If I’m feeling like this without even telling her that I love her, what am I even going to do after that?_ He wonders how is he going to talk to her without making himself look like an idiot. But she’s seen you in even more embarrassing moments, and she won’t care. She’s Natasha.

But telling her is of the utmost importance. But for that, he needs to find Natasha.

_Natasha._

He smiles dopily and then spends some more time thinking about her. Her hair blowing around in the wind, the stubborn set of eyebrows whenever people around her were doubting her, the love in her eyes playing with Clint’s kids- Steve had the pleasure of seeing that once, her nose wrinkling in distaste whenever he tried cooking, her grin when she was teasing him, her teeth bared when she was angry, her chin dimpling whenever she was smiling at him.

His stomach grumbles, pulling him out of his reverie. His appetite, has suddenly returned he notices. So, he gets out of the comfortable bed _( **very** comfortable bed, he realises after almost a week of sleeping in it) _ and puts on his slippers and his T-shirt. He gives his bed another longing look and goes out of the room.

Everyone; Sam, Clint, Laura, Wanda, Sharon and Scott are huddled around the table; eating breakfast, conversing loudly. They stop talking when they come to the awareness that Steve is in the room with them, and they all stare at him.

“Steve you look weird,” Sam was the one who spoke first, wadding up the silence.

Steve just grunts in response.

“No, he looks high. Steve, did you get high?” Clint was the one who spoke this time, scrutinizing him from his head to his feet.

“Can you even get high?” Scott asked him, and droned on without even letting him answer, “Even more, you got high without me?”

Steve stared at him.

“He looks happy.” Wanda, who was sitting next to Sharon, said in her accent-filled voice.

“He looks peaceful,” Sharon told her with a knowing look in her eyes. Then looking at Steve, she gave him a small wink.

“C’mon guys let the man breathe first. He just got here,” Laura scolded them in a motherly voice. “Steve please sit down and have your breakfast. Ignore each of them,” she said in a softer tone and set up a plate for him.

“Thank You Laura.” With that, he took a seat next to her and started buttering up his toast.

He could feel six pair of eyes staring at him, burning holes in his head.

“What?”

“C’mon man! Just tell us what happened. You’re freaking us out,” Clint exclaimed.

“ _Nothing_ happened.”

“ _Something_ happened. You don’t look like an angsty mopey teenager.”

“Angsty? What do you mean?”

“He means,” Sam interrupted Clint before he could reply, “That you’re not like your usual self. You’re not vibrating out of your skin. Not trying to burst out and lash at everything. We’ve been here for almost a week now and you haven’t come down once to eat by yourself. You don’t even eat if we don’t force you. Also you didn’t go out for your run today. Did you sleep in?”

Sam had him there. But Steve wasn’t going to give up. He didn’t want to tell everyone what was going inside his head. So he gave it another try. Natasha had taught him to answer a question with another question, to get out of the questions.

“How do you know that I didn’t go for my run today? What if after running, I took a shower, changed my clothes and then came to eat breakfast?”

Scott snorted. Sam looked at him with an expression that Steve was able to identify too easily.

“Don’t shit me Rogers,” he said with the same look.

There was an uncomfortable silence. Steve realised that there was no getting out of the hole he had created for himself. So, he took a deep breath and said, “It’s nothing to worry about Sam. Look, I just figured some stuff out.”

“The stuff that I asked you to figure out last night?” Sharon asked him, taking a bite of her pancakes.

“The stuff that you should’ve figured out ages ago?” Wanda asked him, raising an eyebrow, in a way that was eerily similar to Natasha. It made Steve uncomfortable.

Steve swallowed heavily and looked away from her. “I don’t know what you both are talking about,” Steve replied, gulping down his breakfast to get out of the awkward conversation.

“Dude, everyone, including you knows what you’re talking about,” Sam told him, looking around.

“I don’t know what he’s talking about,” Scott literally whined.

“Shut up Tic-Tac.”

“Guys enough! Stop badgering him,” Laura came to Steve’s defense again.

Steve shot her a grateful look. There was a heated silence. Steve looked around. Everyone except Scott and Laura were glaring at him. Scott was glaring at Sam, and Laura was glaring at Clint. Wanda had a red tint in her eyes.

Steve cringed internally after looking at her. He felt like a five-feet-five, asthmatic kid again. The kid that the neighborhood women mostly didn’t like because he caused a lot of trouble.

“Alright, the stuff that I figured out has to do something with Natasha.” Steve said in a small voice, looking down at his plate filled with his breakfast. “And I’d rather tell her before you all,” he continued before looking up.

“And how do you plan on doing that Steve? Natasha’s not here you know,” Clint said.

“Well I was hoping that I’d find her and _then_ tell her. And I was hoping that you would help me with that. You’re the one who knows her the best. So, you’d probably know where she is,” he said in a hopeful tone.

Before Clint could reply, the door on their left which opened to the entrance flung open and T’Challa walked in with his assistance and bodyguard- the same woman that had brought Laura, Sharon and the kids the day before.

“King T’Challa,” Steve acknowledges before standing up, “What brings you here? Come have breakfast with us.”

“This is not the time for pleasantries Captain. Have you looked at the news?”

“What news?”

“Please turn on the television, Miss Maximoff”

Wanda picks up the remote and turns on the TV to a News Channel, a frightened look on her face.

A blonde woman was speaking on the screen.

_“The fire at the home of the Secretary of State, General Thaddeus E. Ross; has resulted in the death of two people and has left the General himself injured. Among the dead, was the housekeeper, Mr. Robert Elliot, 59; and Natasha Romanoff, 31, the Black Widow, ex-Avenger and agent of SHIELD. The reasons for her presence at the Ross household are currently unknown. We will keep you updated for more. I am Christine Everhart, WHIH News.  Please stay tuned for more.”_

And just like that, with a news, Steve’s world collapsed upon him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for this. But it was something that had already been decided before I even wrote the first chapter.


	5. Interval Part-1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to thank Asukachan07 for helping me with this chapter. You're the best beta anyone could ever ask for.

**INTERVAL PART-1**

 

“Boy it must be kinda hard huh,” he took a deep breath, going for the kill, “to shake off the whole double agent thing. It sticks in your DNA.”

That statement really did what it was supposed to do, it hit its mark; because it was the truth, wasn’t it? She had been bracing herself for this particular conversation with Stark since she had let Ste-Rogers and Barnes escape at the hangar in Leipzig. And she had to give her dues to him, his words _hurt_.

Hurt. The Black Widow could _feel_ something akin to hurt. Her handlers in Russia would’ve been disappointed in her. But to be fair, they might’ve been disappointed more when she had joined SHIELD and then later had killed all of them.

But for her, it had never been about taking sides. Why wasn’t Stark able to see that?

“Are you incapable of letting go of your ego for one god-damn second?”

That’s what it always boiled down to, wasn’t it? People and their egos; more specifically, _men_ and their egos. Whenever she had tried to do something, _anything,_ the egos of people around her had destroyed her good work. She hadn’t been told that arrogance wasn’t only a Russian trait. The ego of her Russian handlers, Madame B in the Red Room, Nick Fury, Alexander Pierce and now Stark; it had always gotten in her way.

Still, she’ll be damned if she wasn’t going to reason with him. He was a good person, unlike her, but sometimes got too over in his head.

“T’Challa told Ross what you did, so,” he said before she could speak again, “They’re coming for you.”

That did it. Apparently, the language of reason wasn’t something that Tony Stark ever understood. Maybe that was why Pepper Potts had left him. God, she felt bad for even thinking about it.

“I’m not the one that needs to watch their back,” she gave him one last look, and walked away from him, her boots clanking.

She was done. So, so _done_ ; with each one of them. Done _trying_ to be the voice of reason; _trying_ to focus on the bigger picture; _trying_ to contain the fallout; _trying_ to be loyal to the team, _to Steve_ ; _trying_ to look out for each one of them. Look where that had landed her. Once again, she was untrustworthy. Once again, as Stark had put it, the _double-agent._

And now the suits were coming for her.

But, she was the Black Widow, the super-spy. Hiding from the authorities had never been a problem for her. She had been trained for it since her lost childhood. The reasons for the hiding may be different now, but she was an outlaw now. And she had no intention of going to the floating prison that Ross had made so lovingly for them.

Sill she wouldn’t take back any of her actions of the last few days. She supposed the cards could’ve been dealt better to them, and they might have played those cards better; but the fallout had probably been inevitable. She supposed (wished) that Rogers could have compromised, because the Accords weren’t something that could’ve been avoided; but he was too arrogant for that.

No, he wasn’t arrogant- never had been. He was _stubborn_. Too stubborn to see beyond his point of view; too stubborn to compromise; too stubborn in his morals and too stubborn to anything else besides the _right_ thing.

And she didn’t regret letting him go for one second. She would do anything and everything for him. She would give her everything to him; her secrets, her lies, her loyalties, even her _life;_ if he asked for it; without even a second’s hesitation. And she _knew_ that he wouldn’t ever ask her anything besides being Natasha. She cared about him too much to do anything else besides support him. The dictionary might suggest that she loved him; but loving someone had been trained out of her _(Love was for children)._ Still he had her everything; even her heart and soul, if it existed.

Did she love Steve though? She knew that she cared a lot about Steve and she wanted to spend most of her time with him. She _liked_ being with him. Watching bad TV, sparring, training, going to missions and sharing silly jokes with him. She liked all of it. Even if he infuriated her a lot because of his stupidity, she wouldn’t change anything that she felt for him. Did that translate to love?

It probably did, she wouldn’t know.

She just wished that she could take the last few days back. She just wanted to go back. For the first time in her life, she had some sort of stability, some sort of purpose other than finishing the mission. She wanted all of that back. But she didn’t live in that world anymore. Now, she lived in a world where she regretted and second-guessed each of her decisions. The decisions she had made during the last few days, were high on her list of regrets. And that list was _very_ long. 

Still, she wouldn’t change _any_ of her decisions of the past few days. Well maybe she wouldn’t have signed the Accords; then she could’ve been with Steve.

But she had signed the Accords to become a better person, to become trustworthy.

But she wouldn’t ever be any of those things, try as she might. She wouldn’t ever be more than a double-agent; as Stark had so lovingly put it.

“Miss Romanoff,” FRIDAY’s disembodied voice echoed around her, shaking her out of her reverie.

“Yes, FRIDAY?” She didn’t have time for this- whatever it was.

“I looked into the archives of the CIA files like you asked me to, and it seems that you were right. Sergeant Barnes was framed by the psychiatrist. His real name is Baron Zemo, and he is Sokovian. He killed the real psychiatrist, Dr. Broussard.”

So, her suspicions were correct. She did the right thing by letting Steve go. It was a bit ironic really; that a civilian had torn the group of some of the most capable people on the planet apart, _The Earth’s mightiest heroes._

“Did you tell Stark?” Maybe that would make him see reason.

“I just did.”

So now, Rogers and Barnes were probably fighting five tamed (or untamed, depending how you looked) supersoldiers alone; wherever they were. She had no idea how to help them. And she had seen the damage first-hand that the Winter Soldier could do; that the Winter Soldier _had_ _done_. After all, he himself had trained her. Her memories might be foggy, but she mostly remembered him training her in her early teens. And whenever she had fought him, he had bested her.

If she wasn’t so terrified of him, so _afraid_ of what he represented, she could probably take him down; probably. But the Soldier was everything she aspired not to be: a blank slate, a weapon for the purpose of others, a member of her past, another asset for the KGB. So yes, she was apprehensive of him. It also didn’t help her that the Soldier was the one who had helped her out of the clutches of the KGB. He might not remember it, but she most certainly did. He had helped her escape, in one of his clear moments, and she owed him for that, probably for the rest of her life. So, she hadn’t been too keen on taking him out, not only because he was Rogers’s best friend.

And Rogers and Barnes were now fighting _five_ Winter Soldiers. And she didn’t know where they were or how she could even help them. It _infuriated_ her.

Since she had so casually defied the Accords, there was no way that she could ask for Ross’s help. He might arrest her.

Sam might know where they were headed, but he was now probably being escorted to the Raft Prison.

And Clint and Wanda were also with him.

How could she have been so stupid; so short-sighted?

She had seen signing the Accords as a way to keep the avenging business of the Avengers legal. She had seen it as a way to stay on the team, to be trustworthy in the eyes of the people; she had been selfish and probably naïve.

And now everything, literally everything had gone down.

And she definitely deserved it.

Still, swimming in self-hate wouldn’t get her anywhere. She needed to find a way out- for herself and the others. There was really no other option.

Stark might be able to help Rogers, now that he knew that he had been wrong. The only thing that was stopping him might be his egomania. He might still be pissed off that no one had listened to him and that things hadn’t gone the way that he _exactly_ had wanted.

But there was a bigger possibility of him helping them. He was after all, a good person; and he cared about Rogers. No, he would _definitely_ go help them. He also had the resources to find them.

And she could go with him.

But he might be going to meet Ross. She couldn’t take that risk.

There was another option though.

“FRIDAY, can you track Mr. Stark for me please?”

There was a pause.

“I’m sorry Miss Romanoff,’ the AI replied apologetically, “but it is against my protocols.”

Well, that was a dead end. She supposed she could hack into the AI or even the Iron Man: but it would take time.

And time wasn’t something that she could spare right now.

She could ask Vision, but he was emotionally compromised. Again, the irony; an artificial human had _feelings_.

Everything was out of her hands now.

There wasn’t anything that she could do. The only thing that she would do was hope that things would work out.

The chances of that happening were good.

She had faith in Stark’s arrogance and Rogers’s resilience. She had faith in their inner goodness, in their desire to do the right thing; again, qualities which she lacked. 

So everything might work out just right.

Now, there was only one thing right left for her to do.

She needed to get out of the compound.

** \----------------------- **

She went to her room and took out the bag which she had specifically prepared for times like these. She hadn’t thought she _would_ need it, after the Ultron fiasco; since then she had decided to become a full-time Avenger, rather than being a spy. She had decided to come out of the shadows. Even after SHIELD had gone down, most of her secrets were safe, as the files were in codes. But after Banner had left, she had decided to be just Natasha. But she was always prepared for things to go down. Looking over her shoulder was, in fact, her second nature.

The decision to sign the Accords was mostly based on her wish to remain an Avenger; _to be Natasha_.

Look what good that did her.

Maybe Natasha wasn’t supposed to have nice things. She definitely didn’t _deserve_ them, in her honest opinion.

The bag mostly contained fake passports and IDs, some weapons and disguises, cash; standard spy stuff.

However, she needed to take a few things with her; things which _Natasha_ cared about; things which she wanted to keep.

The necklace that Clint that had given her on her first Christmas after defecting to the States was in its rightful place: on her neck. There was a bracelet that Wanda had given her, she had that on too. The presents that others had given her last Christmas went in the bag.

Then she realized something. If she, the Black Widow, the heartless spy cared about some artifacts, the others might do too. And she needed to salvage their things. She might have to do some guesswork, but it wasn’t that big of a problem. Everyone knew all of them weren’t coming back here.

**\-----------------------**  

She went to Rogers’s room last. She had too many memories of that room; of him. _Happy memories._ She also knew what Rogers might want once he was somewhere safe.

She had seen the compass too many times. It was kept in the drawer besides the bed.

Opening it, she took out the compass. She looked at Agent Carter’s beautiful face. She could understand why Steve loved her. She had been brave, selfless, and strong. And above of all, _a good person_ ; someone who did the _right_ thing. After all she had founded SHIELD. She had been beautiful inside and outside.

Agent Carter was everything that she herself wasn’t.

Well she _was_ physically beautiful, but she was supposed to be. All Black Widows were supposed to be easy on the eye.

And no matter how much she loved him, she didn’t deserve him. And Steve had wanted her as a friend. So, she had tried to be the friend he needed.

She knew that he was lonely, and that he needed someone. And she knew that Sharon Carter was the best match for him. That’s why she had pushed Steve towards Carter. She was someone who Steve Rogers deserved; they had the same moral compass.

And her plan had bore its fruit. Steve had talked to Sharon. He needed someone like her.

The thought of Steve being with another woman made her taste bile on her tongue.

Wait...Was she jealous?

Steve was… he was _Steve_. Honest, compassionate, caring, kind, loving, sacrificing, stubborn and idealist as hell even when the whole world tried to prove him wrong. He was everything she aspired to be. He was, most importantly, _good_.

And maybe, just maybe, she _did_ love him?

She knew that he was different from the others when she had first met him.

Steve wasn’t anything like she had thought that he would be when she had first met him. He had treated her with respect, like a fellow soldier. He had treated her like a _human being_. He had respected her decisions and had shown faith in her from the very first day.

Respect wasn’t something she had ever been used to, or had ever gotten.

When they worked together for SHIELD, she knew that he had been wary of her actions, but he had still respected their partnership. He had trusted her to follow his commands on the field. And each time she had felt guilty for breaking that trust.

And then he had saved her life, without expecting anything from her in return.

And he had trusted her; had trusted _Natasha_ as a person.

That time, when he had told her that he trusted her to save his life, had been one of the biggest turning points in her life.

And she had shed all of her covers, her lies, her defenses; _everything_.  Steve had shown her a new way of living. She had done that for him, and because she had gotten tired of all those things.

And then after her hiatus, after somewhat making peace with her past, she had joined Avengers permanently when Stark had asked her to; Steve had again wanted her to be his partner.

And then Banner had happened. She knew both of them hadn’t felt any deep feelings for each other. Banner was projecting, and she had thought that he was the most logical option for her.

But logic didn’t work in the matters of the heart.

_Heart_ , she scoffed. She didn’t have a heart.

Getting off of her thought-train, she put a few more items in her backpack. There were his sketchbooks, his dog-tags and a few photos. One of the photos, which had been framed, was kept face-down. She looked at it.

It was a photo of her.

She realized that she looked _happy_. When had Steve taken that photo? More importantly, why did he have a photo of her?

Steve was an artist; he looked for beauty around him. And well, he might’ve found her physically beautiful; everyone did. She knew that.

He probably wouldn’t want it. The photo was probably not important. It didn’t matter.

So, she put it back; and left his room to go to the jet.

** \----------------------- **

“Miss Romanoff.”

She stopped. This was the confrontation that she had wanted to avoid.

“Yes, Vision?” She asked him, her voice carefully neutral.

“May I ask you where you are going,” he asked, materializing next to her.

“I’m leaving,” she told him.

“I’m afraid that I can’t let you do that.”

“And why’s that?”

“Because you broke the law; you let Captain Rogers and the Winter Soldier escape. The authorities are coming to arrest you; so I ask you to stop.”

“And what if I don’t listen to you?”

“Then I would have no other choice but to stop you. And you won’t be able to stop _me_  from doing that,” he replied, the gem on his head glowing.

God, why everyone thought that physical intimidation and tussles were the only means for them to get their way was beyond her understanding. She _knew_ that she couldn’t fight him, no matter how potent the serum in her veins was; or no matter how physically skilled she was.

But she _did_ know how to manipulate him. Vision might be god-like in his abilities; but he was binary in his thinking. And he was still learning. He was still alien to a lot of emotions.

Not everything could be solved with physical blows.

“You don’t wanna do that,’ she told him.

“Why not, Miss Romanoff?”

“Because there’s only one way you would be able to stop me: by killing me.”

“I could simply knock you out.”

“Before you could do that; I’d use this knife to slit my own throat,” she threatened him, producing the said knife out of one of her boots. “Do you really want one more person’s blood on your hand, after what happened to Rhodey? Aren’t you supposed to protect life?”

She knew it was a low, _very low_ blow; but it did its work. He visibly blanched, and she felt a little bad; but there was really no other way.

“Now, if you would excuse me, I need to save my teammates; whom _we_  put in that prison. Those people were supposed to be our family. Not that you’ll understand, since you’re artificial and you really cannot feel emotions.”

She felt horrible as she watched him shrink into himself because of his guilt.

“I’m sorry; please let me leave.”

With that, she climbed into her Corvette and left, leaving Vision alone and looking defeated.

** \----------------------- **

She knocked at the door of the Barton farmhouse, the bulb in the porch glowing eerily in the dark. All the curtains were shut, making it impossible for her to see inside.

“Nat, what’s going on? What the hell are you doing here? I thought that you were in Germany?” Laura Barton said as soon as she opened the door for her.

She sighed as she looked at her. Laura- loving and homely; she didn’t deserve any of this.

“I’m here to get you guys out,” she told her. “Clint got himself arrested, along with the others. I _need_ to keep you guys safe. They might be coming for you too.”

“Clint got arrested? How? What’s going on?”

“We don’t have time Laura, please. I’m _not_ taking any risk with you guys. Please pack up everything important. Wake up the kids. I already have your fake passports and cash; you just need to take everything else important. I-“

“Natasha,” Laura cut her short.

“What?”

“Stop pacing around. Take a deep breath. Sit down,” she said in that calming voice of her.

She hadn’t even realised that she had been doing that. Her thoughts were going at a million miles an hour. She exhaled deeply and sat down to the nearest couch as Laura had instructed.

“Now tell me what happened.”

“Everything’s gone down Laura. The Avengers are in shamble. And you guys aren’t safe here.”

“I saw on the news that you guys destroyed the airport in Leipzig?”

“We don’t have time. Please. Come with me. We’ll take Clint’s car. I need to get him out too. But you all are my first priority right now.”

“Alright; gimme an hour. And you _will_ tell me everything later.”

“I’ll keep a watch outside. Please hurry.”

** \----------------------- **

She knocked on the red door, once. Twice. Thrice.

No response.

But Carter should’ve been here. Her information had never ever failed her.

She busted the door open. There was darkness everywhere, and the light from the windows hazily illuminated the room. She flicked on the switch nearest to her. A dull light lit up the room.

There were three doors; four including the main entrance. Carter could be hiding from her. She was definitely not in the kitchen; which was the open door to her right, in full view. And the door in the front of her was a bathroom, which wasn’t a good place to hide. This meant that Carter was probably hiding in the door to her right, which was a bedroom.

She opened the bathroom door loudly and looked around once. Then she opened the bedroom door and looked round. Carter was nowhere to be seen. But she knew that this was the place where Carter was supposed to be hiding. She could’ve gone out.

_Or_ she could be hiding in one of the nooks and crannies of her bedroom, waiting for the intruder in her house to leave.

Natasha knew what to do.

She flicked off each of the lights of the cottage and banged the front door loudly shut.

And she waited, crouched down out of sight by the bedroom door.

After a few minutes, Carter emerged out of her bedroom; a gun in her hand.

_Gotcha_.

She crawled behind the blonde woman and kicked her hard in her shins. Quickly, she snatched the gun out of Sharon’s hands as she fell down; and put her in a hold. She was unable to move.

‘Why were you hiding, Agent 13?”

“I’m not Agent13 anymore,” Carter told her; trying in vain to get out of her grip. “What the hell are you doing here Agent Romanoff? Are you here to arrest me? How did you even find me?”

“I’m here to ask for your help.”

“What?” Her flailing stopped. “What do you need my help for? I’m a fugitive.”

“So am I.”

“What?”

“Now listen to me _carefully  S_ haron. Don’t interrupt,” she told her. “I need to get my friends out of the Raft Prison. But I can’t do it alone. Now, Steve will be our muscle for this job. We just need to access the servers and weaken all of the defenses in the Prison. And we need to do it from somewhere outside; somewhere far, far away from that floating prison. Since you worked directly under Everett Ross, you know how to help me.”

“Where’s Steve?”

“I don’t know.”

“You mind explaining yourself?”

“I mean what I said. I don’t know where Rogers is. But I do know the he will be at that floating prison. So will you help me?”

“What’s in it for me?”

“I’ll help you disappear. You aren’t doing a very good job at that right now. I caught you on at least twenty security cameras.”

Carter’s eyes widened briefly before she schooled her face into a perfectly, albeit forced neutral expression. She still had a long way to go to become a perfect spy.

“Okay. I’m in.”

** \----------------------- **

“Where the hell are you Rogers? It’s been four hours,” Natasha muttered under her breath.

_Four hours._ She and Sharon had been waiting for four hours for Steve to come to free Clint, Sam, Wanda and Lang.

Four hours of her seeing Clint prancing around in his cell from the cameras around the cells which they had hacked into; his head was hung down, his shoulders were hunched. He seemed unaffected, almost casual and totally in control, but she knew better. She knew that he hated the cold and hated closed-off places even more. She knew that he was worried about Laura and the kids. God, she wanted to hug him so bad; tell him that his family was safe.

Scott was mumbling under his breath and tapping his fingers on the basin rhythmically. He was probably used to this; the prison. After all, he had served a jail sentence for a few years. He was actually the one she was worried about least. Not because she didn’t know him personally, but because she knew that he could handle being behind bars.

She could not say the same for Sam and Wanda.

Wanda… Poor Wanda. She was silent, solemn. She looked scared. Her eyes were red and wet, but what bothered Natasha the most that they were _blank_ , staring into space. She had a collar around her throat, the purpose of which Natasha knew. It made her powers futile. She knew that if she even tried moving, the collars would shock her, probably sedating her; thus making her abilities of no use.  Her hands were also bound behind her back, making her completely immobile; as if the collar around her throat wasn’t enough. She was huddled around in a corner, looking small and every bit of the kid that she was supposed to be if she had a normal life.

And Sam… He looked like he had been tortured; his face showed the signs. It was bloody and one of his eyes was surrounded by a big black mark that probably wouldn’t fade away for a while. He probably had been asked questions regarding the location or the whereabouts of Captain America. They might have known that Sam and Steve were very close. Their reasoning for torturing Sam out of the four prisoners also made sense. They might have considered Wanda too unstable. Clint was already a spy; he knew how the game worked. Torturing him wouldn’t produce results. And Scott did not know much, he was not an Avenger. That left Sam, the best option to get any information about Steve. His eyes were vacant and hollow, and he was favoring his left foot while moving. _He’s a decorated and retired veteran, for fuck’s sake_. They were torturing a soldier. But he seemed uncaring, nonplussed. He might also be calm because he knew that Steve wouldn’t leave them there.

She wanted to kill each and every person that had laid a hand on her teammates. She wanted to keep each of them safe. But first they needed to get out of the prison.

What the hell was taking Steve so long? Was he alright? Was he dead?

No, no; she wouldn’t- couldn’t think that. The thought of Steve _dead_. That was horrifying.

He was okay. He was okay. He was alive. _He had to be._

Natasha and Sharon had found out that Zemo had been arrested by the CIA, courtesy of T’Challa. Zemo had been locked up for almost 24 hours now. How the hell had T’Challa known? He probably had followed Stark after he had gone to meet Ross. Where were Steve, Tony and Barnes now?

And more importantly, why wasn’t Steve coming then? _Would_ he come?

Of course he would. He was Steve Rogers. Loyal, compassionate, stubborn, ‘never give up’, put himself last, Steve Rogers. He was definitely coming. She scolded herself for even doubting it. Steve considered all of them his family, his responsibility. He wouldn’t leave them alone. He wouldn’t give up on them.

“Are you sure that he’s even coming, Natasha,” Sharon - who had been sitting next to her on the control panel - asked in a clipped tone.

“Of course he is.”

“We’ve been waiting for a long time now. We _need_   to consider the alternatives. If he’s not coming, it’s up to us to break them out. And we need a plan.”

“You’d help me with that? Breaking into a super secure prison to rescue people you don’t even know?” She knew that her cynical world view was showing through, but she couldn’t help it. She had to ask Carter. People didn’t help people just like that.

“Of course I would Natasha. I fully believe in the Avengers and I fully believe in Steve. So if he doesn’t come, and there’s a chance of it you gotta admit that, then we both will break them out. I’m assuming you _have_ a plan, and it might be even a better plan than what Steve might have in his mind. I may not know a lot, but I know enough.”

Now she had no doubt in her mind about Sharon. And now she knew why Steve had liked her so much. And now she was thankful that she was helping her.

It had been very easy with Sharon’s help. They had gone to the Control Room offshore; a heavily guarded building. An hour later, with the help of a few disguises and a helicopter, they were in the Main Control Room inside of the Prison. After that it had been a matter of a few more minutes to reduce the security and then finding a safe spot outside. Back when they were partners working for SHIELD, Steve had mostly been the muscles of every operation they ever had together, so Natasha knew that he would be able to punch his way through everything; and the best option for her was to stay out of his way. Not that she couldn’t do it herself, but it was just faster when Steve was doing the punching and the kicking.

“I do have a plan. But let’s give it one more hour, shall we?”

She did have a plan, one that involved her spy skills and stealth; but she wanted to wait for Steve. Things were a lot easier, and frankly better when he was around and when they were together.

“Okay. You want a sandwich?” Carter asked as she started chewing on one herself.

‘Where the hell did you get it?”

“I may have a few tricks up my sleeve,” Sharon said with a laugh.

Natasha was liking this woman more and more with each passing minute.

And they both were waiting for Steve to come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My tumblr [here.](http://shieldass.tumblr.com/) Come talk to me!!

**Author's Note:**

> [Here](http://shieldass.tumblr.com/) is my tumblr. Come and talk to me.


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